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Topics: Troubleshooting Process Steps Problem Report Form Is Your Computer a Male or Female? Start or Stop

“To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.”

Check out Internetweather.com to see if there are bottlenecks causing your ISP to have routing problems.

Troubleshooting Process Steps

Agree on the need for the Process
Introduce the Process to the organization (with examples)
Investigate opinions and facts
Generate options
Analyze impact of options
Report findings and recommendations (get approval)
Correct (implement changes)
Confirm Impact
Review Sometime Later
Spread the learning (offer solution to others in similar circumstances)

Computer Problem Report Form

From Cyberhighway Humor

Your Name: __________________________ Your Login Name: ____________________

The date? __/__/__  The date the problem first occurred if different? __/__/__

1. Describe your problem:
   __________________________________________
 
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
    __________________________________________
 
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
    __________________________________________
 
    __________________________________________
 
4. Problem Severity:
    A. Minor__
    B. Minor__
    C. Minor__
    D. Trivial__
 
5. Nature of the problem:
    A. Locked Up__
    B. Frozen__
    C. Hung__
    D. Shot__
 
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
 
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
 
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
 
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
 
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
 
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
 
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
 
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
 
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
     _________________
 
15. How tall are you?  Are you above this line? __________________
 
 
16. Is the equipment unexpectedly noisy?    Yes___  No ___

17. If 'Yes", what sort of noise?
     Grinding ___    Rattling ___
         Whirring ___    High Pitched Whine ___
     Sound of disk head scouring disk ___
     Strange, out of tune whistling or humming ___
         
18. Is there a smell of burning?            Yes___  No ___

19. If "Yes", is the equipment on fire?     Yes___  No ___

20. Is the fault repeatable?                Yes___  No ___
 
21. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
     occurred?
     ______________________________________________________
 
22. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
     ________________________________________________________________
 
23. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
 
24. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
 
25. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
 
26. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
 
27. Check which appear to be at fault?
        Communications ___      Disk ___        Base Unit ___
        Network ___             Keyboard ___    Screen ___
        Mouse ___               Everything ___  Don't Know ___
 
28. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes_

Is Your Computer a Male or Female?

As you are aware, sailing ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g. "Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain").

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all male) announced that computers should be referred to as female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message "BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as male. Their reasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day (or night).

Start/Stop: Abbott and Costello Meet Microsoft Windows
From Sheldon Koehler

    Costello:  Hey, Abbott!
       Abbot:  Yes, Lou?

    Costello:  I just got my first computer.
       Abbot:  That's great Lou. What did you get?

    Costello:  A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, 
               a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
       Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou.

    Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!!
       Abbot:  You will in time.

    Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you.
       Abbot:  Oh?

    Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert.
       Abbot:  Well, I don't know-

    Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're 
               going to train me.
       Abbot:  Really?

    Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
       Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

    Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I 
               heard that you should be very careful how you 
               turn it off.
       Abbot:  That's true.

    Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I 
               want to turn it off. What do I do?
       Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

    Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
       Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-

    Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. 
               I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
       Abbot:  I did.

    Costello:  When?
       Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button.

    Costello:  Why should I press the Start button?
       Abbot:  To shut off the computer.

    Costello:  I press Start to stop.
       Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

    Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press?
       Abbot:  Start.

    Costello:  Start what?
       Abbot:  Start button.

    Costello:  Start button to do what?
       Abbot:  Shut down.

    Costello:  You don't have to get rude!
       Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

    Costello:  Then say what you mean.
       Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press-

    Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"
       Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say?

    Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer, 
               I am willing to press the Stop button, the 
               End button and Cease and Desist button, but
               no one in their right mind presses the Start 
               to Stop.
       Abbot:  But that's what you do.

    Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop 
               at green lights.
       Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous.

    Costello:  I'M being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we
               started this conversation.
       Abbot:  What are you talking about?

    Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.